- Understanding Anger
- Anger at God
- Resistance to Anger
- The Healing Role of Anger
- Working through Anger
- A Note on Anger Management
- Conclusion
Anger is one of the most difficult emotion to accept in many spiritual context, particularly when it is directed at one's spiritual group or other aspects of one's spirituality. Many people hold spiritual groups to higher standards making it more difficult to accept their imperfections. In reality, all spiritual groups fall short of perfection. Yet, it seems irreverent to be angry at one's spiritual group or any other aspect of their spirituality.
Anger is normal. Anger is even healthy! And maybe more importantly, anger always has a meaning or a message. Yet for many of us this is difficult to accept. Many would prefer to just deny their feeling of anger pretending they don't exist. However, just has repressing or denying your anger with your spouse is not very effective, neither is avoiding dealing with anger in spiritual settings. In healing spiritual wounds, find a place where it is safe to feel and experience your anger is vital.
When supervision therapists in training, one very common phenomenon is that these therapist will become defensive when a client is critical or angry at a religion which they share. They often voice this feeling that they need to protect their religion. However, most of them quickly realize this is their issue and voicing this defensive feeling would be counter-productive (this is also one great example of why it is important to see a therapist trained in dealing with religious and spiritual issues in therapy!!). Even when we are dissatisfied with our spiritual group, our spiritual life, or other aspects of our spirituality, it is nature to feel we need to defend it! However, it is our defense may be what is truly irrational!
There are many types of anger. Some anger is based on the injustices and pain we see in the world. This is a healthy and very natural form of anger. Other anger results from the perception (thought not necessarily the reality) that we've been harmed. Anger can also result from feelings of powerlessness or feeling trapped. At times, anger can also be misdirected or, in other words, pointed at an object which gets blamed for hurts which are currently being experienced. Anger can also result from a defensive process. When a person feels threatened, they often respond in anger. The anger serves to keep people at a distance and protect the individual.
As you can see, anger is very complex! It can emerge from one or a variety of these sources of anger. Often, part of the process of therapy is helping individual sort out the cause of their anger. In order to do this, first the anger must be acknowledged and experienced. This naming of the anger is a vital step in the healing process.
For spiritual individuals from a theistic religion, anger at God can be a particularly difficult type of anger. It seems irrational, illogical, and just plain wrong. If you believe God is perfect, what right to you have to be mad at God? These are difficult questions, but they do have answers. Furthermore, denying that you are angry at God doesn't make the anger go away. It is more productive and healing to acknowledge the anger and begin to work through it.
Anger is experienced in nearly all intimate relationships from friendships to therapy relationships to spiritual relationships. Yes, just as it is normal to be angry at your therapist, it is natural to be angry at God! And just as you need to talk about your anger at your therapist to work through it, you also need to acknowledge your anger at God. A comment I will occasionally make to supervisees who feel they need to protect God is, "Do you really feel that God needs you to protect Him or Her?" Often they laugh when they realize how silly this sounds. It shows greater respect for the relationship to trust that it can handle honesty about emotions.
As I mentioned above, many people feel that it may be irreverent to express anger in a spiritual setting. Sometimes this is connected to the discomfort associated with anger. At other times it may be fear about the consequences of feeling anger (people responding with anger or a judgmental tone) or the guilt associated with being angry. Many spiritual individuals have been told since early in their spiritual journey that anger is not an appropriate emotion, so they avoid it.
The resistance to anger is no more wrong than having the experience of anger. Both are rather normal human reactions. What is more important is to recognize the resistance you are feeling, identify it, and then discuss it. Gradually, as you begin to acknowledge your resistances to anger it becomes easier to let them go and work through the anger.
Anger can be a powerful healing force once it is accepted. For many, it becomes a great source of motivation. For example, anger can often motivate people to speak out against injustice. And, as some people have recently pointed out, when therapy teaching people to work through or process anger too effectively, it may have inadvertently encouraged people to become more passive and tolerant of injustices! Anger can motivate us to make the world a better place. Using anger in a productive manner like this is very healing!
Anger can also motivate us to make personal changes. Some therapists will point out that anger and anxiety are two of the most powerful motivating factors in therapy. This is why so many people when they begin medications which numb the feelings often quit therapy. They've just lost their motivation to work through the difficult life situations! This is not saying that medication is bad or should never be used, it just means that people should be cautious in making such a decision to go on medication.
As I eluded to above, I have some reservations about working through anger; at least when it is not done critically and cautiously. Some anger is good and healthy. When we become too efficient in working through anger, it can lead to a dangerous and unhealthy form of passivity. Some anger is better to be worked through and let go. Other types of anger should be identified and owned. Once it is owned, then it can be harnessed and used to make positive changes in our lives and society at large.
Either way, the first step is acknowledge and experiencing the anger. It is often best to do this in a safe context such as therapy, particularly if the anger is intense. Experiencing anger in unsafe settings can be traumatic. However, experiencing it in a safe context can lead to healing. Therapists are (or should be) trained to deal with anger. They are used to seeing anger and even experiencing anger directed at them. Because of this, therapy is often an ideal setting to work through a variety of anger issues.
This is a bit of a tangent, but I feel it is an important one. Our society seems to be on an anger management craze these days. Anger management is often prescribed to a variety of people as a cure-all for anger. Well, I'm not convinced!
Anger management can be a wonderful thing when taught correctly (most Anger Management groups are more education in nature). However, it can be counter-productive when not taught well. For example, one common approach to anger management is just teaching people to control and repress their anger. This is not healthy! This often just redirects the anger to a different outcome, which sometimes is an ulcer, depression, or physical or psychology problems. Anger needs to be dealt with in context.
Anger is a natural part of life. It has many causes and there are many ways to deal with anger. When anger has a connection with spirituality, it is important to ackowledge it and try to understand where the anger is coming from. Often, it is best to go through this process with a trusted professional, such as a therapist or appropriately trained spiritual leader.